


Irreparable Damage

by BrightEyes160



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood, Emetophobia, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:47:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26116708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrightEyes160/pseuds/BrightEyes160
Summary: Bella is a depressed, self harming train-wreck. After Edward left her in the forest that day, all she can do is blame herself. To make things worse, she can't touch people without seeing their innermost secrets.Bella doesn't know that Victoria is out for her blood; as repayment for Edward's destruction of James.And Victoria doesn't know that their meeting will change everything.
Relationships: Bella Swan/Victoria
Comments: 21
Kudos: 148





	1. Reckless Behaviours

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is technically my second fanfic. So be gentle with me. :3
> 
> It's going to be pretty dark so check the tags if you have triggers. The entire story will have fluff throughout. A bit of everyday life drama. And potential smut in the later chapters. Music is a big motivator for me, so I'll be posting song lyrics at the start of each chapter. If you liked this fanfic, leave a review please.

> _Hey, I've been falling apart these days_
> 
> _Split open, watching my heart go round and around_
> 
> _Round and around_
> 
> _Circle the drain_
> 
> _I'm going down_
> 
> _-Circle the Drain by Soccer Mommy_
> 
> *********
> 
> _Girl I know you from a past life and I_
> 
> _Knew it when I looked in your eyes_
> 
> _-Hangin On, by Johnny Goth_

**Bella**

I can't remember his face. I should be able to remember Edward's face, but it's a blurry mess. The shapes all mixed together. Twisted by a fog of my own misery. When he left me alone in that forest, I think that was the first time I had a panic attack. I've always been a little anxious. I guess that comes with being clumsy.

I'm sitting in my grandmother's chair, staring out at the lawn. The skies are a melancholy shade of grey, with tinges of orange. The air feels stuffy. It's probably going to rain. It rained on that night too. When Edward left. I remember frantically trying to remember the paths that he took into the forest. My heart was beating so fast. I could barely breathe, or even think.

I cried for I don't know how long. Curled up under a spruce tree, the smell of verdant green needles lulling me to sleep. After the panic attack came The Crash. I did a lot of research, trying to understand what happened. That's how I found out about panic attacks, anxiety, and adrenaline. The lack of adrenaline causes sleepiness. I was lucky that Sam Uley found me. Charlie told me later that he'd been out hunting. I'd only been gone for a few hours.

When I woke, I was in a clean, white room. I felt overly warm and discovered I was being rewarmed with electric blankets. A nurse told me I had hypothermia, she checked my termperature. She said I was back up to normal temperature. I expected to see Carlisle, but of course he wasn't there. He had left with Edward and the rest of the Cullens. I felt emotionally numb then. A few months passed, and I still feel numb.

Since then, my panic attacks got worse. I started missing school. Charlie said it might be better if I stayed with my mom. He always seemed concerned I might hurt myself. He was right of course, I was hurting myself. I wanted to die, but I didn't know what was stopping me. Guilt? Shame? Fear of failing? Of one day waking up in a psych ward. I figured Charlie and mom would be better off without me, everyone would be.

In the end, I started going back to school. It was hard, but I had to, Forks was all I had left of Edward. Charlie eased up on me as I started to level out emotionally. My lows were less low. But I still have this constant hole in my heart, where Edward once was, where he should be.

I pull myself out of my thoughts. I stand up and it takes every bit of will I have left. Edward didn't want me. Clearly I must be worthless. I can't reason why else he would leave me. He left without a trace too. He expected that I'd just think that he was just a dream. Charlie still talks about Edward, so does Jake. But never when I'm in the room. It wasn't as if he'd never been here. It was as if part of my life had been sliced off. Surgically removed.

I pick up my Dracula novel. I'd bought it after the Cullens left Forks. I slide the novel into my messenger bag, and then pull on my brown leather gloves. Renee bought them for me just before I left Phoenix. I have problems with touching people's skin. It's like a hundred memories flash through my head. I still remember seeing my mom, all her flaws, and her deep empathy for people. It always made me feel like an outcast, my classmates idolized their parents. I guess I grew up faster than everyone else. I guess that's what drew me to Edward, he wasn't like everyone else.

Downstairs Charlie is asleep on the couch, a beer-can sitting on the coffee table. Drinking again huh Dad. He'd been doing it more and more. I was probably the cause of course. I sneak out the door as best I can, taking care to push the screen door latch in, and then releasing it slowly. It makes almost no sound. I look over at Charlie, he's still fast asleep.

It's autumn outside. The leaves are starting to change colour. And the air smells of loam. While I miss Phoenix Arizona, I also missed the turning of the seasons.

I walk to Edward's favourite spot. It was our spot. I looked it over, the summer flowers had all died. The air is foggy. It's going to rain soon. I'd have to hurry. I sit down on a boulder near the edge of the treeline.

In my Dracula novel I'd hidden a razor blade in the spine. I retrieve it with the piece of string I'd looped through it. I unpack some basic first aid supplies, gauze, a clean cloth. I planned this out, just so I wouldn't get blood on my clothing.

I didn't want Charlie to find out. Plus, cleaning my clothing was too difficult. I found that out after soaking the sleeve of my sweater. Mom had given it to me before I left. I had to toss it in the trash. Just one more thing to hate myself for.

I notice a piece of paper in my novel. Odd, I never put a bookmark in it. Pulling the paper out, I see handwriting that says, “From Alice,” I carefully unfold it.

> _Dear Bella,_
> 
> _I know I'm not supposed to talk to you at all. Edward would be furious if he knew. But I needed to let you know something. I had a vision when Edward made the choice to leave Forks. I saw Victoria, she attacked you Bella. Be careful, stay with Jacob on Treaty land. She can't hurt you there. I really hope you get this message._
> 
> _Stay Safe,_
> 
> _Alice_

Part of me thinks that if she really cared, she would've stayed. And what does she even mean about Treaty land? Because vampires aren't allowed to go there? Yeah right.

When Edward left, I lost Alice too. I guess part of me has been hoping that a vampire will find me. After that I'd be okay with whatever happened. Sometimes I even think of Victoria. Our one meeting left a lasting impression on me. It only got stronger after Edward left.

I pick up Alice's note. Fold, tear, fold tear. The pieces scatter in front of me like confetti. If Alice is right, I might actually see Victoria. Maybe then I wouldn't think about Edward constantly. Even if I was dead, at least I'd have some sort of peace. I don't sleep well anymore. I have nightmares about the night when James tried to kill me. I dream of when Edward left. Instead of running off, he burns up into ashes, and is carried off into the sky.

In the back of my mind are constant self hating thoughts. They almost never stop. But when they do, I feel nothing. And when they start again, I finally feel something. I cut when I'm numb, and I cut when I hate myself. I cut to feel something, and I do it to feel nothing. I feel like a walking contradiction. Holding a razor in my hand, just staring at it. It's clean metallic surface reflects part of my shirt.

I check to make sure there's no one around. Then I unbutton my pants and pull them down to my thighs, but not off. Lines of scars follow each other from my knee, to the middle of my thigh. I feel the cold rock I'm sitting on. My bare skin against it. Wow I really picked a crappy day to do this. Of course the rock's coldness just reminds me of him. I awkwardly pull my gloves off. I focus on my anger. Focusing my rage at him for leaving. And my rage at myself for whatever I did to cause him to leave.

My heart is pounding, crimson begins to pool and drip down my leg. I deserve this. I reach for a clean cloth. I sop up the red violence of my actions. I think about doing it again, but my own self control holds me back.

As I look up, I see a familiar redhead in front of me. Victoria. Her expression is disgust and puzzlement. I quickly pull my pants up. My face heating from the embarrassment of being seen. Heart pounding in my chest. “Uhhh...hi? I wasn't expecting you.”

Victoria glares at me, “Excuse me?” Her words come out like a cobra spitting venom. “What kind of response is that?” Her eyes change from a bright red, to black. She sniffs the air.

Faced with Victoria I panic. My survival mechanisms kick in. I should lie, that's what he'd want me to do. “Edward w-will be back, probably soon...You should leave.” My voice comes out all wrong.

I feel like stupid. I wanted this to happen. I feel conflicting feelings about dying.

“Oh good, he'll be just in time to watch me kill you. Just like he killed James.” Her voice is filled with malice and self-righteousness. Before I can say anything else, she picks me up by my throat, her other hand pulling on my jacket. My hands scramble at her arm, but it's useless. It's like fighting a statue. Pain erupts from under my arms, the seams of my jacket digging into my flesh.

A sadistic glee emanates from her. “Do I make you suffer slowly? Should I drink you? Or maybe...I could tear you apart piece by piece. I can't decide. There's just so many options.”

My bare hands grab hold of her forearms, trying to wrench away the one on my throat. I feel cold hard skin for a second, then the world disappears.

* * * * *

I'm no longer in that meadow. Images swim in my mind's eye, I have no control over what I see. It was the same with my mother, and everyone else I've linked with. I know that everything I see, she'll also see. It worries me, but I don't have much time to think. My mind is taken by a memory.

I'm laying in my bed, crying, and feeling a burning in my chest. Desperately missing Edward, wishing he'd come back. Charlie comes into my room and asks if I'm alright. I try to stay as quiet as I can and pretend I'm sleeping.

Charlie says, “Bells, I know you're awake. You can cut out the act.”

I continue to be silent.

“Fine. Don't talk about it. I'm sure that'll make things better. I just wish...you'd say something. Anything. I get so worried about you. Truth is, I haven't been sleeping well. Worrying that my daughter- well...won't be there when I wake up.”

“Sorry dad.” I barely squeak out. Tears stream down my face.

Charlie sighs. He walks over and rubs my back gently. “I'll be in bed. Awake. If you need anything, please, don't worry about waking me up. I just...want you to be safe.”

The memory fades, and is replaced by another.

I'm sitting in my grandma's rocking chair, looking out the window. Feeling a deep sense of melancholy and loneliness. A distance from Charlie and Billy Clearwater as they barbeque some salmon steaks. I can't ever talk about the Cullen's secret with them. They'll never know, and I can't explain why they were so important to me. Outside they laugh and sip their beers. Jacob sits in a foldable chair nearby. I feel a million miles away.

I fly through months of memories of Edward. And his absence in my life.

Victoria's memories start to creep in, taking over.

Five hundred years of her watching humans. Drinking someone once every two weeks. Her thoughts are conflicted. She feels pity for them, and rage. Rage at how cruel humans can be. She takes lives, but doesn't torture. But she sees their lives happening in front of her. Sometimes she wonders what effect she has, taking all those human lives. They must miss their loved ones.

Victoria decides one day that she needs to see the extent of her damage. I'm in Victoria's body, seeing through her eyes. Watching Victoria scale a building. The stone facade in her hands is cold as she grips onto handholds. She peeks her head to look inside. Her reflexes slow things down. Enough that if the woman inside turns, Victoria can disappear without alerting her. She wears a lacy expensive dress. It's modest, covering her chest. She thinks about the woman's husband. Victoria knows she killed him last week, and she needs to know.

It's a feeling that's been clawing inside her for the last decade. Before, she never considered how her actions hurt people. But every year, it's been growing in her mind. It started to engulf her mind. She constantly wonders if she's a bad person. If she's irredeemable.

The woman is crying, her hands on her face. She doesn't even attempt to use her hanker-chief to mop up her tears. Victoria contemplates killing her as well. She can smell her blood, it's the smell of Roses, fresh rain, and honey. Her throat burns. Victoria knows she doesn't need to feed. But it would be so easy to take her life. To end her suffering. The suffering she caused. She feels her stomach drop, the reality of her actions hit home.

Victoria slides through the open window and into the room. It's decorated in upper class architecture. Reminiscent of Roman temples, bright white and brilliant. The floor is made of marble, spiderwebbed with black veins. The woman hardly gets a single word out before Victoria is on her. Victoria feels her warm hands grasping frantically at her. But Victoria is to fast, and too strong, and she silences the woman. Fangs sink into soft flesh. I taste the woman's blood through Victoria's memory, through her mouth. As if it was my own mouth. It's unlike anything I've ever had. Like the ambrosia of the gods. Her blood tastes of honey, and roses. It makes Victoria's head spin. I feel it too.

The blood courses through Victoria, she feels alive and brimming with strength. Then she realizes that she's killed again. She justified it. Taking the life of an innocent, mourning human. One who was mourning for a man Victoria herself killed.

The memory passes, and I'm watching Victoria sit on the edge of a building at night. The stars glimmer above. She's so high up that a human wouldn't see her. She watches all of them, living their lives. She thinks about that woman, her husband. She killed both of them in the same room. A week apart. She thinks about how she didn't have to kill the woman. She could've moved on. But she did it anyways. Justified by her own killer instincts. Her violent nature twisted it into the excuse of ending her suffering. She feels guilt on top of guilt.

Victoria reaches for a bottle next to her, alcohol. Victoria knows that this is stupid, incredibly stupid. She knows that she'll probably just puke it back up. Vampire bodies don't absorb anything except for blood, and venom. But she just wants to make the feelings stop.

Victoria wants to numb the thoughts. To numb everything out. Blood numbs everything, at least until her regret starts rushing back in. She looks at the bottle, contemplating the idiocy of this. But she'll try anything but taking another life. The last thing she wants to do is take a life to forget about taking a life. She opens the bottle, puts it to her lips, and takes a drink. She spits it out immediately. It tastes of stale alcohol and rotten grain. Her instincts tell her that this is a terrible idea. That what she wants to drink is foreign to her body.

Victoria tries again to drink the foul liquid. This time she stops breathing altogether, and then drains the bottle in one go. It doesn't burn, it merely tingles the back of her throat. Not breathing is uncomfortable, but tasting the alcohol is worse.

She feels nothing. Then she breathes in, and the terrible flavour of whisky. Rotten grain, and metallic, bitter alcohol. Only a few minutes later, the entire contents of the bottle make their return. She empties her stomach on the rooftop. The alcohol and her venom collecting into a small puddle.

 _I'm such a piece of shit, I don't deserve to live._ The words are mine, and Victoria's. Separated by several hundred years, and several thousand miles. I see the memories of Victoria on the ledge, and me in my chair. Victoria and I experienced things that neither could tell anyone else. The isolation, the loneliness, the melancholy, the self destructiveness; Parallel.

Bella starts to lose her sense of self, as does Victoria. We become one.

James smiles as he totes around the dead body of a man. His limbs flopping around wildly. I cover my mouth in shock, but then James raises and eyebrow. He parades the corpse around like a pretentious woman wearing a fox scarf. I burst into laughter and then yell at him, “It's not funny James!” He does a mock English accent and continues to prance around. I start laughing again. Laurent covers his face with his hand and looks down, but a subdued chuckle escapes his lips.

Later that night I sit and think about James, what he did, and I hate myself for laughing. But I'm grateful I have James, and Laurent too. Five hundred years alone was torture, even if James has his flaws.

I lay in the grass with Edward. I look at the clouds moving in the sky. I'm close enough to him that I smell lilac, and a small hint of honey. I nuzzle close to him, he tenses up, but then relaxes. “Is this okay?”

“I think so.” He stares wistfully at the sky. “When I die, I hope I go up there.”

“To space?” I snarkily reply.

Edward chuckles, “I mean Heaven. When I was younger, we didn't know about space.” He says it with a sense of wonder. “I can hope right? I know that being what I am has probably damned my soul. But...I can still hope.”

I shift myself to kiss Edward's lips. “You're a good person. The best person I think I know. Most vampires couldn't live how you live.”

Edward scoffs, “You don't-”

Before he can say anything I put my gloved hand over his mouth. I know whatever is going to come out is about to be self deprecating.

It's night and I'm running. Telephone poles passing by, I don't even care if someone spots me. James told me where he was going. To hunt down that girl, Bella. Once he starts a hunt, he doesn't stop. Especially with how this human smells. He should've been back at our campground hours ago. “James. James!” Oh god, oh god, don't let him be dead. I sprint into the Ballet Studio. Thick smoke obscures the room. Even my vampire eyes can't see through it. I stop breathing so I don't smell anything. Broken mirrors glimmer on the floor. There was a fight.

I notice blood on the floor, I lean down and breathe in. It's her, it's Bella. Edward's mate. She was injured. I sniff again and pick up James' scent. A fire crackles and rages nearby. I pick up a piece of clothing near the fire and sniff it. James. “No, no, no, no.” It can't be. He can't be dead. I feel numb. I cry, but no tears come out.

It's midday, and I'm in a forest. Edward explains to me that he's leaving, and I'll never see him again.

“I can't lose you Bella. It'll be like I was never here.” Edward's face doesn't change. His expression is stone cold. It's as if he doesn't even feel anything. I can't tell if he could anyways, vampires don't often show emotions.

“So instead of losing me, you're going to leave me?” I exclaim. “You've got to be fucking kidding me!” He doesn't make any sense.

Edward holds my shoulders and looks into my eyes. “Trust me Bella, it's better this way.”

“How is this better? Did I do something wrong? Do you not like me anymore? I must've done something.” My voice is loud, and it's filled with rage, and an ever deepening sorrow.

Before I can see his reaction, Edward disappears. It's my fault, It's my fucking fault. I wasn't good enough for him. I lay down beneath the spruce tree, curled up into a ball. And I cry until I fall asleep.

* * * * *

I feel a hand around my throat. And then realize that Victoria is still holding me up in the air with her hands. Her eyes widen. And then she immediately puts me down. She starts to speak, but fumbles, “I...how...how did you? What happened?”

Everything hurts, and I don't have words. I feel stunned. Like a bird that flew headfirst into a window.

Victoria's expression is cold, but her mouth frowns on one side. As if she's about to cry. She reaches out with both arms suddenly, wrapping me up in her coldness. I make a sharp squeak. What is she doing?

Victoria sighs, and I smell her vampire scent. Patchouli, Sandalwood, and Roses. It's fresh, but deep, with a hint of spice.

She's hugging me and I feel terrified, but I feel safe.

My body is urging me to run, but I feel like staying. Instead, I freeze.

Resigning myself to whatever this is. I lean into her more, and put my arms around her.


	2. Old and New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victoria and Bella awkwardly navigate their sudden feelings for each other. Can Victoria resist her urges to drink Bella's blood? Can Bella trust enough to love again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like you left me here, alone  
> It feels like you wanted me to be gone  
> And I've been trying to keep up my composure
> 
> \- Left Me Here by ~flynn, yaeow
> 
> * * * *
> 
> I don't ever wanna leave  
> I'll watch you sleep and listen to you breathe  
> Ooh, oh  
> I don't ever wanna leave  
> I'll watch you sleep, I'll watch you sleep
> 
> \- watch you sleep. by girl in red

**Bella**

I let go of Victoria, and step back to see her face. "Uh...you're not going to kill me right?"

She looks at me through her wavy hair. Victoria's expression takes on one of hurt. "I guess there isn't any point if you aren't Edward's mate..." Victoria sighs. "So what was that? I could see your memories, almost like they were mine."

"When I touch people's skin with my hands, _that_ happens. I don't really know why though." I fidget with the zipper on my jacket. I worry about what she's thinking.

"Are you okay?" Victoria asks me. A look of concern briefly crosses her face.

I reach up and touch my neck. "Ow...yeah I think so."

Victoria reaches up to move my hair behind my ear, then gently touches my jaw, "Turn so I can see."

I comply. Her hand is cold, but her skin is soft. My face grows warmer. She looks at my neck, gently turning my head the other way.

"It's not bad. Some concealer and a little bit of foundation should do the trick." She backs away from me and looks down at the ground. "Sorry."

"It's okay." I say it, even though it isn't. After our minds linked, I can't help but feel sad for her. I felt every bit of her regret as though it was my own. Her guilt for killing humans, for destroying lives. I remember how I fought back. And I'm shocked at how hard I fought to stay alive. Despite my intentions to attract a vampire by drawing blood. I always thought I'd want to die by her hand. I don't feel that's true anymore.

"It really isn't okay. I won't pretend it is." Victoria frowns. "I'm tired of pretending that the things I do are okay." Victoria turns around. "I should probably leave."

I cover mouth with my hand. I don't want her to leave."No, wait."

"Hmm?" Victoria looks back at me. She raises an eyebrow.

When she touched my face, she was gentle. Her eyes didn't darken like Edward's. Maybe she's different. But then, maybe she doesn't want to stay. Even if she was trying to kill me, I still want her. It wouldn't be the first time I had a crush on a girl.

"Uh.," I can't get the words out. My throat feels raw. "Would you stay? I could use some help with my...makeup." I feel so stupid saying it. I don't wear it often, but I know how to do makeup.

"You mean like come over to your house?"

"Yeah. Just no eating my family. Or my friends." It honestly feels silly, what am I going to do if she does? It's not like I could stop her. There's no repercussions.

"Got it, no eating your family, or your friends." Victoria smirks.

I blush, realizing the double meaning of my words.

We walk back to my house. I wonder what I'm doing. I know this is dangerous, but Victoria doesn't seem dangerous. I saw her memories, she really does want to change. But I'm not sure if her will to change is stronger than her thirst for human blood. I tell Victoria to stay back so Charlie doesn't see us. But she says he's still sleeping, and she can hear him snoring on the couch.

We sneak upstairs to my room. Victoria's bare feet don't even make a sound as we walk up the stairs. I feel a rush just breaking the rules. Letting Victoria into the house. I know she won't harm me, but I can't help but feel a little bad that I didn't introduce her to Charlie. Reminds me of when Edward used to sneak into my room at night.

Victoria sits down on the carpet. Her dirty feet are a stark reminder of how wild she lives.

"I should probably get something for your feet."

"Oh...you mean because they're dirty?" Victoria sits crosslegged on my bed.

"Yeah. I'll be right back." I walk to the bathroom and wet a washcloth. I'm about to leave when I remember my makeup. Which I grab as well. When I get back to my room, Victoria is looking around. "Take a seat on my bed?"

Victoria is looking through my music. She checks out the band posters on my walls, some are from junior high. I stand by my nightstand, awkwardly waiting for her to be done. She sits down on my bed, feet dangling over the edge.

"Here." I hand her the cold washcloth. "Oh, and I also brought the makeup." I sit my makeup bag down beside me.

She starts wiping her feet of dirt. I take a seat next to her on the bed. And I move over a little so our legs aren't touching. I shift my legs and a notice blood on my jeans. "Oh geez, not again."

"Hmm?" Victoria looks over at me. Washcloth in hand.

"It's nothing. Just got blood on my pants from earlier. Mind if I change quick? Need to wash these before they stain."

"Sure." She finishes cleaning her feet and hands me the rag. I quickly change out of my pants. My leg is still bleeding. I grab my messenger bag and pull my basic first aid supplies out.

Victoria stares at me. Her eyes turning dark. She swallows.

"Victoria, are you okay?" I back away.

She stares at my leg.

"Umm. Victoria?" My voice is torn thin by my own worry.

Before I notice, she's standing in front of me. She swipes her finger accross my leg, and pops it into her mouth, licking the blood off of it. Her expression is like someone eating a rich dessert. Victoria's eyes go wide, "shit...sorry." She backs away from me awkwardly.

She just touched my leg. The thought makes my face flush. I should be terrified, but instead I'm aroused by this. What is wrong with me?

I take the opportunity to quickly clean and bandage my leg, before slipping on new jeans. "I'll be right back." I say, before walking to the laundry room down the hall. I toss my bloody pants into the washer and turn it on.

I turn around and Victoria is standing in the hallway, watching me. "We should really get started on my makeup before Charlie-"

Victoria covers my mouth. "You think I can't tell. But you're flustered." She whispers, so she doesn't wake my dad. "I can smell it you know?" She moves her hand off my mouth.

My face is hot. "N-no you can't."

"Yeah. I could taste it." She leans closer to me. I can smell earthiness, cinnamon, and nutmeg. I feel vulnerable, knowing she could tell I'm turned on by her.

She kisses me. Just a little. Victoria looks into my eyes. Hers are bright, hungry.

Is she asking for permission? I lean in and kiss her this time. Her mouth is filled with an earthy, soft scent. Her scent. She's cold, and her tongue is soft against mine as she kisses me deeper. I feel like I'm floating, it's just me and her. Victoria's hands slide down and rest on my hips. I pull away to catch my breath.

Victoria giggles, "I forgot you have to breathe."

She grabs my hand and leads me back to my bedroom. I push her over onto the bed and straddle her hips. Kissing her more forcefully. I need every bit of her. Every bit of Victoria. Her hands run up my sides. I feel a twinge between my legs, a warmth, and small bit of moisture.

"Fuck," I gasp. My hands are on her bare arms. My vision suddenly multiplies.

I'm in my room with Victoria. But I'm in her head. Feeling what she feels. Kissing her is twice as intense. I feel her thirst for me, and her thirst for my blood. But I can tell she's not going to hurt me. I can't control my power. I know that she can feel me as well. There are no memories, no thoughts this time. Just a strong empathy between us. She pulls away from me for a second.

"Wow Bella." She smiles. "Your gift is something else. I wonder what it'd be like if you were a vampire?"

I move as strand of my hair from her face. "As a vampire? I haven't thought about that. Maybe I'd be able to control it better?" Is she implying that she'd turn me?

"Mmn." Victoria's voice is sultry, and raspy. Her arms wrap around me, pulling me closer to her again. She plants a few kisses on my forehead. And dips into my mouth again. Then pulls back and makes a hissing noise. Her eyes are black, but she quickly regains her composure.

"As much as I love this. You should probably help me with my makeup." I kiss her cheek.

Victoria gives me a sly look. "Really? It seemed like this is what you wanted all along."

I blush. "Maybe."

"She finally admits it." Victoria sits up effortlessly. Despite my full weight on her, she pushes me back while carefully propping me up so I don't fall. I feel her lips touch my neck. Her coldness is a reminder of my own vulnerability. I feel her sniff me. She freezes for a minute or so, I don't move either. She sighs. "I guess I _can_ control myself."

Victoria gently strokes my bruised neck. I twinge. "Let's get this hidden." She reaches over to grab my makeup bag. Unzipping it, and pulling out everything she needs. Concealer and foundation, as well as powder. Her hand moves underneath my chin, pushing my head so I'm looking up. She tells me what she's doing as she's doing it. First a layer of concealer, some orange lipstick blended into it, and then foundation. Lastly she adds powder to take away the glossy shine of the foundation.

"Looks good. You can see for yourself if you want." Victoria starts putting away my makeup.

I get up and look at the mirror over my dresser. I can't even tell that there are bruises. Other than the occaisional pain from turning my head. I turn to Victoria, "So, what are we?"

"I don't know. Does it need a label?" Victoria says.

"Umm. I guess not." I really don't care. I'd just like to know that I'm not disposable. I don't think I could take it if she left me. Especially not like Edward did. It hurt knowing that I would never see him again. That he'd be out there, living his own life. Not the one we both wanted.

Victoria walks up behind me and puts her hands around me. "If it helps, I'm not going anywhere. Don't really have anywhere to be."

I feel relieved. A sigh passes through me. "That's good. I don't want you to leave."

"I am still going to need to hunt." Victoria nuzzles into my neck. It's almost a bit ticklish feeling.

"As long as you don't eat my friends, or my family." I stroke her fingers. My hands intertwined with hers. God, how long has it been since I've felt this alive? Months? Since summer?

"I know. I know. Actually...I might stop altogetherr, go 'vegan."

I turn to face her. I glide my hand through her hair. It's not even oily, just slips through my fingers. "You don't have to do it. It won't bother me either way."

"I want to. I'm done killing people." Victoria holds my hands in hers. Stroking them. She shifts us, so she's holding me in her arms. I feel tired suddenly. But also incredibly safe with her.

* * * *

I wake up and see Victoria sitting in my desk chair. She's watching me. I prop myself up. And stretch my arms out. "You really aren't going anywhere huh?"

"Nope." Victoria stares at me with a soft expression.

I pull out my flip phone and check the time. It's a quarter to six. "I was only out for half an hour?"

Victoria just nods. "You talk in your sleep. It's cute."

"Yeah." I don't say it. But it's why Edward used to watch me sleep. Of course, he's a vampire and he can't sleep. So I can't be completely mad.

It's almost dinner time, I should probably start cooking for Charlie.

A stray beam of sunlight filters through my window. It slowly drifts over Victoria's face. Her skin shimmers, like it's covered in small gemstones. Her ginger hair is turned fire-red from the sun rays.

"I should probably go cook for Charlie." I pull myself up off the bed.

"Are you going to introduce me?" Victoria asks.

I'm not sure how I'd do it. Would I tell him she's a friend? I don't know how it would work, it's such short notice. "I'm not sure you'd want to stay for dinner. You could hide up here, and I could introduce you another time."

Victoria pouts. "I'll hang out here. I guess."

I walk over to her and put my forehead against hers. She presses her lips to mine. It's a small kiss, a chaste kiss. "I won't be long. You could always put on music, just keep it low."

I close the door to my room and shuffle downstairs. The cooking is easy, it's just salmon steaks, veggies, and potatoes.

Charlie and I have dinner. He talks about recent goings on with police things. It's mostly stories about dealing with wild animals, or drunk folks causing issues in the bar. Very little actually happens in Forks.

"By the way Bella, Alice called. She seemed worried about you. Left a phone number too." Charlie takes a bite of his salmon. "She didn't say much. Just that she needed to talk with you."

Alice must've had another vision. I can't help but be worried that it might be about Victoria. I don't see why else she'd call. It's not like she cares. Otherwise she would've stayed. I sigh.

"I'll give her a call back. It's probably nothing dad."

Charlie has a suspicious look in his eye. "You doing okay Bell? You seem, happier. Did something happen?"

"No, not really." I reply. I can't exactly tell him about Victoria, since I haven't figured out a story for how we met.

I get up and put the dirty dishes into the sink. I start to wash them. Charlie stops me and offers to do them himself.

"It's the least I can do. You've been cooking lately." Charlie says. I doubt he's doing them just because of that. It's because I've been a wreck lately. He speaks over the sound of the sink filling up with water. "Your friend's phone number is on the notepad next to the phone."

I hang out in the living room until Charlie is done with dishes. Then I call Alice.

The phone rings once before she picks up.

"Bella. Oh my gosh I'm so glad to hear from you." Alice's voice is filled with relief.

"Yeah...Umm, so, Charlie said you were worried about me?" I reply. I really hope she doesn't ask about the note. Pretty sure lying about it wouldn't work. She's already seen that I'd get it. She just didn't know when.

"You got the note, right Bella?" Alice asks.

I go silent. Crap crap crap. How am I supposed to tell her that Victoria found me? That it was because I ripped up the note. Because I cut myself in the woods? How am I supposed to explain that I'm falling for this girl. This five hundred year old vampire who still drinks human blood. Alice is _not_ going to like this.

"Bella? Are you still there?" Alice sounds concerned.

"Yeah..." My voice comes out subdued. "I'm still here."

"Good. So you got the note right?" Alice asks again.

I'll play dumb, on the off chance she didn't see me read it. "No. Did you leave me a note?"

"Bella. I know you ripped it up. I got a vision yesterday about you shredding the note."

"I'm sorry Alice." I feel a bit upset having to apologize to her.

Alice sighs. "Did you at least read it before?"

"Yeah..." I reply. My voice is dead. Monotone.

"Did you take precautions to stay safe?"

I feel a twinge of anger. Why does she even care. "No Alice."

"I know about Victoria. She's dangerous Bella. She isn't like us, she kills people." Alice's voice is accusing.

"And you've never killed someone Alice? You don't even know her! She's kind, and she doesn't want to hurt people! Why do you even care. You left me, all of you left me!" I'm panting. I hold the phone away from my ear.

Alice's voice is tinny. "Bella, you don't understand what these vampires are like. You haven't been around them. They're unpredictable, and they kill for pleasure."

"Did you see her hurt me?" My voice is unyielding.

"Bella, please be careful."

"Did. You. See. Her." I ask again.

"Well...no...not exactly." Alice replies.

She has the nerve to waltz back into my life.

"Goodbye Alice." I hang up the phone.

I can't believe Alice thinks it's okay to tell me what to do. Alice and the rest of the Cullens tore a hole in my life. And she thinks that I should be careful. What a joke. It's my life.

I know Victoria better than she does. She wants to go 'vegan.' Alice doesn't even know what she's like. They played baseball together, once. Plus, even _if_ Victoria kills me, at least I'll die happy.

I cover my mouth and hold back my tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a comment and a kudos. It really helps give me motivation to write more. I have ideas for chapter 3, but it may take a bit more work, since drama is starting to happen between Victoria, Bella, and the Cullens.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to try my best to keep pumping out more chapters. But life happens, and mental health issues can come out of nowhere. So if I disappear, don't hesitate to message me, or leave a comment.


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